Cultural Jammer

Public service announcement (PSA for short, you imbeciles): this picture of me is circulating online. It is not, I repeat, NOT Margaret thatcher, even if that is what the left-wing ‘press’ (fake news) would have you believe. I was never pictured with Maggie, despite our fiery and tempestuous relationship behind closed doors. It was the anniversary of her death recently, so I've been reflecting on our time together and decided to write this message in order to dispel the rumours and finally put some ‘spec on her name. Maggie and I didn’t always see eye-to-eye, but when all was said and done, we would fall back into each other’s arms. Powerful in government and even more powerful in the bedroom, her penchant for bondage led to my sexual awakening as a young man and informed many of the fetishes that I still hold dear today. She would break me down psychologically until I was no more than a pupa, then build me up again using her command of the English language and deft te...

On the subject of suicide and social media campaigns Suicide is an important public health problem. In recent years, there has been a significant increase in the rate of deaths registered as suicide. While the exact reasons for this are unknown, the data seems to suggest that this was largely driven by an increase among men, who continue to be most at risk of killing themselves. For instance, three quarters of suicides are among men and it remains the most common cause of death for men aged 20-49 in the UK. Suicide risk involves contributions from biological, psychological, social and environmental factors. Sharing a picture of yourself on Facebook with a copy-and-pasted description about vague notions of positivity from a half-baked social media campaign doesn’t reduce someone’s risk of suicide in any meaningful way, even if it does arguably raise awareness. At best, it improves the accuracy of Facebook’s facial recognition algorithm. At worst, it fosters a feeling of disappo...

I remember it like it was yesterday. The greasy hair, the sweaty palms, the overwhelming l’eau de boeuf. Back then I’d begun making a name for myself as a fast food restaurateur  on Cambridge’s burgeoning Mill Road scene. A young Greek boy named Aristotle came to me with a head full of hopes and dreams of starting his own gastronomic institution. With a talent for flipping burgers and a gift of the gab, he was the Thelma to my Louise. I taught him everything I could and in return he taught me the Socratic method. At some stage, an old hand has to know when to give up his business to a young buck. That was some 20 years ago, and I still shed a tear when I think how far Aristotle has come as my successor. Oftentimes, on a cool summer’s evening, I will find myself walking down that same old road, the air pregnant with the soft laughter of girls and the fragrant aroma of sparkling Carlsberg’s. Stood outside my old establishment, I can see him stood behind those ceramic Greek...

Happy birthday to my gorgeous bestie, Cat Deeley! Can't believe it's been a whole year since we were living it up at your legendary bday bash! Quarantine is a bitch, but I can't wait to boogie to some Abba with you again soon! Love you xxx

First, there was growth. Then, there was overpopulation. Next, there was disease and pollution. Finally, there was death. In the beginning, everybody abided by social distancing measures. We self-isolated if we were sick and adapted to permanently work from home. There were positives: nature reclaimed the earth, renewable energy became a powerful industry, most people adopted plant-based diets, electric vehicles replaced their gas guzzling ancestors, fewer people travelled internationally and realised the natural wonders they had at home. Governments across the globe agreed upon a universal basic income, which allowed the people whose jobs were lost or replaced by machines to have a better quality of life - some argued better than those who continued working. This afforded many of us the luxury of time. Time to be mindful. Time to be grateful for what we had. Time to be accepting of the situation and more creative. Happiness increased exponentially, and some whispered in utopi...

Donald Hesk is widely regarded as the most influential artist in the history of detroit techno. A genius who's abstraction of analog noise, ambient drones, fearless kicks and evangelical devotion to the cause of global sexual liberation inspired la génération du dissident...

Lockhorn is an affliction facing most people during this time of  hard ship. Many of us aren't able to fully satisfy our urges, and the result is over-masturbation, lest we be trapped in a permanent state of arousal or frustration. For many people, this feeling has intensified with the new lockdown measures, and for a lucky few, their urges have even reduced, presumably from a lack of visual stimulation. Not a moment too soon, with summer's endless legs and bare midriffs just around the corner. The main difficulty with lockhorn is that is only serves to remind you of what you don't have. For a few, they're  holed  up with their significant other, a situation which, while clearly a useful foil to this particular condition comes with its own set of challenges. Couples will have to contend with the sticky  creampie  of no privacy or space. For many of us, we may feel like our free will is being taken away. No longer can we simply have sex on command - j...